Narcissists Reinvent Themselves Overnight
When Dr. Jekyll Becomes Mr. Hyde
So there you sit, reeling from the shock. You just discovered you were married to (or in a relationship with) someone who could suddenly abandon you–and you never suspected it! Your Dr. Jekyll has suddenly become Mr. Hyde before your very eyes. Stunned and bewildered, you are gobsmacked by how the love of your life could flip identities and move on so quickly.
The answer is that you were most likely in a relationship with a malignant narcissist. These shapeshifting dark souls can suddenly become unrecognizable, completely reinventing themselves overnight.
Your soul is crushed. You feel demoralized as you look back at all the time you spent in commitment. You feel kicked in the gut as you look back at how you loved them unconditionally and always put them first. Worst of all, now you see that it meant nothing to them.
How is it that you have become Satan in their eyes within a matter of minutes?
How do they now blame you for everything wrong with their life?
As a partner who’s been discarded and abandoned like yesterday’s trash, your heart feels like a dagger has been plunged into it.
Preemptively silenced by the crafty use of the element of surprise, you can do nothing but lick your wounds and begin thinking about how you’re going to salvage what’s left of your pride.
So Why Do Narcissists Reinvent Themselves Overnight?
To even begin to wrap your head around what’s happening and start the healing process, you must face some ugly truths. The first distasteful truth is that narcissists cannot maintain long-lasting monogamous relationships with anyone. In their way of thinking, partners are interchangeable.
Their value system is that, at any point in time, current spouse or partner can be swapped out for another, no notice necessary.
Along those same lines, accept the fact that many narcissists have no trouble whisking current biological children off the chess board and replacing them with a new set of children — biological children from the most recent Baby Mama. Prepare yourself for the social media insult that will surely follow. In other words, don’t be surprised when they heroically step in to become Parent Of The Year to a shiny new set of step-children.
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to share their seed with a long line of willing recipients. The names and faces are of no significance to them. All that matters is that there are enough people around to be a fountain of fawning, praise, power, and money. The narcissist wants/needs this adulation to validate the most current (in their mind: new and improved) version of their false self.
Narcissistic Abuse: A Gift That Keeps On Giving
It may not be until sometime after they’re gone that you discover that the person you thought was your soul mate had been having multiple affairs, a slew of mistresses, secret work romances (and God knows what else!) on the side. Please don’t waste your time or energy confronting them with your post-apocalyptic discoveries. They’re not likely to have any shame about their trail of betrayals and you will just look like the unhinged one. (Ask me how I know.)
Narcissists have a malignant personality disorder and it keeps them incapable of seeing their need to change. And why should they? … They ARE the center of the universe, don’t you know? You (on the other hand) are the one who has ‘issues’; You are the one who needs to change. Otherwise, why would they have been forced to dump you?
Tried In The Court Of Public Opinion
Sadly, you won’t be able to count on much help or sympathy from onlookers sitting in the cheap seats in the arena. This is a hard one to accept at a time when your wounding is so raw. However, keep in mind that just as you were so easily duped and taken in, the narcissist has hypnotized many others with their new identity. He/she needs them for moral support.
These onlookers may waste no time jumping on the bandwagon to have their vote counted against you.
This will delight your malignant narcissist. And God forbid if they happen to be a celebrity, venerated professional, or someone who is overly charming and popular. If that happens to be the case, excuses will always be made for your philandering narcissist. Narc admirers rush to forgive and forget even the most heinous deeds against you: the ‘crazy’ ex.
You can expect these victim of the spellcaster to also turn a blind eye to the old (stale) children from your union. However, they will be quick to cater to every whim of the newly inherited step-children or children of the affair partner.
Sleeping With The Enemy
If you were like me, you were caught off guard and had no idea you were sleeping with your enemy all those years. But the good thing is that, as painful as it is, you are facing the ugly truth. It takes times to grieve what you thought was a good life. While doing so, armor up with knowledge about narcissists and their manipulative power plays. Learn how to protect yourself on a go-forward basis. Stubbornly dig in and rebuild yourself a new life.
You’re only a victim if you choose to be. In fact, you’re light years better than them. Show it by holding your head up and focusing only on yourself and YOUR life. Let the narcissist self-destruct on their own. It’s only a matter of time. They’re a train wreck. Look away.
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