Hello Honey, It’s Me!
Have you ever, after a period of no-contact, had a narcissistic ex show up unannounced, out of the clear blue sky? A lot of us have. When this happens, we often find ourselves stunned, bewildered, and scratching our heads. We’re stunned because these arrogant oddballs come waltzing back in—acting as if nothing happened.
Furthermore, if you’ve read more than one article on narcissism and narcissistic abuse, you know that ‘it’s all about them’. And it is.
There’s really no reason to be stunned by their audacity. These people have the emotional IQ of a pre-teen, so you’re unnecessarily burning brain cells if you think of them as evolved individuals—they’re not. They don’t have the ability to be evolved individuals.Simply put, they’re only spoiled children wearing grown-up clothes.
So Why Haven’t You Called?
In THEIR minds nothing really did happen. And since they did nothing wrong, then naturally they think you and everyone else should have been reaching out and contacting them. Put simply, you should have already been making your presence and inclusion known.
To them, it’s everyone else’s responsibility to regulate them. Someone else should make them feel good, keep them from being bored, and put up with their tantrums and selfishness.
The Short Attention Span Player
Think of them as that child who’s been obsessed with playing with a fascinating toy (you). Then, after a while, that child becomes bored, and puts that toy down. They sigh a heavy sigh … cock their head … look around … and think “what else is there to play with?”
Another way to frame this is to think of adult who—after channel surfing for a while—walks to the fridge and stands there looking at all the leftovers with the door open. They stand there scratching their head thinking “Do I really want something to eat?” After rummaging awhile, they they may find something, or they make that grimacing face and say, “Nah, I really didn’t want to eat, I was just bored” and leave the kitchen. When they reappear with their “Hello honey, it’s’ me!” entrance know this: you are simply the trinket of the moment—i.e., the walk to the fridge. Better yet, you’re the old abused toy, tattered blanket, or worn-out stuffed animal that Baby wants to soothe themself with for a moment.
What to Do When The Narcissist Walks Back Into Your Life Unannounced
Never forget that you were capriciously dropped on your head while you were in what you thought was a loving relationship.
If a narcissists walks back into your life unannounced (especially after a long period of no-contact) they are simply checking to see if you are going to allow yourself to be carried back to the toy box.
Be smart. Keep your boundaries. Don’t fall for the temporary human act.